did you get engaged???
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
