This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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