Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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