I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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