And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
