Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
