Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
