we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
