I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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