If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
