Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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