It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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