5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
