Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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