I wish I could punch you in the face.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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