I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
