I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
