ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
