"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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