So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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