Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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