im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
