I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
