I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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