who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
