i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
