adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
