so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You left your phone here
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