My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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