I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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