i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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