Im at strip club and am horny
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
