Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
