What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i came on her dog
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
