Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
