Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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