Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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