You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
