tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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