youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
