life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
