It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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