I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
