is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
