Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A+ Viking dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
