Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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