Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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