On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
