im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
