I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
