Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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