Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
