i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
