I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
