When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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