I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
