we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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