I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
